Grandchildren - Connie's Journal
The following is my Journal to my grandchildren. This was after Brittany stopped letting us see the kids because we turned her into DHS for beating and injecting my grandson with drugs.
I am hurting sooo bad! I miss my grand babies so much. Kids I love you soo much. You both are my sunshines. Grandson I hope mom is treating you ok. I worry everyday about you. And granddaughter I hope she is being good to you too. The Lord is with you both - I know bad things go on at home or wherever - but it's the devil that causes the bad in people and in bad situations. God already knows what is going to happen before it does. I know you are going through all of this but you have to pray to God. Have faith in him, your world isn’t falling apart, he is fixing it to make it better. Sometimes it might take awhile. Grandson I worry so much about you. I hope mommie isn’t hitting you with the belt buckle anymore. And I never want her to give you any more of those shots. I am so sorry she did that. You told Nana (Barbara Hasman) that she stopped so I'm happy. I just hope she has stopped shooting up heroin! I hate that you guys are around that. I’m so sorry sweetheart. It's been 4 months since we’ve seen you guys. It’s killing us very badly. I feel like a part of me is gone. We kept you every weekend. What a change this has been.
These are my journal entries from when we went to court for visitation after the kids were taken from their father (Simon) because of his sexual abuse of the kids and his drug dealing.
We miss you so much grandchildren. Just to hold you in our arms again will be like magic. We love you more than you will ever know. This just isn’t fair. We want to be with you so very much. It hurts us so deeply and I know you both are hurting as well and that makes us hurt even more. If we could just hold you and give you a kiss and tell you we love you. I don’t understand why some people want to use you to hurt us when it’s hurting you both. We will be okay, but will you? I know you will - God has his hand in this and is going to have his glory in the end. All we have is hope, faith and love in God. He will get us through. Oh how we miss you guys. Your rooms are empty. We go in them and just look missing you both. Our lives will never be the same without you in it. I can’t wait to rub both your heads and watch you go to sleep at night. Play till midnight jump on beds, put on makeup and play dress up granddaughter. Go swimming in the summer, go on a rock hunt and collect more rocks. Oh, what fun we will have. I am so proud of you both and I thank God everyday for giving me you. I guess it's been over 7 months since you’ve been able to spend the night and we haven’t talked to you or seen you since the week before Thanksgiving. It’s been long enough. Oh, how we miss you.
Oh how I wonder what you two are doing. Playing, watching tv????? I love you! I’m looking forward to the day we will see each other again. What a glorious day that shall be. I'm working on a book for you both. God has helped me so much in this life and I want to leave this life with a little something for you two. Hop, faith ns love. I hope you always love the Lord Jesus Christ and God all of your days and I hope that you follow him and his word. Get to know the will of God. He will teach you. Know the holy spirit and the power it gives you in your spirit. I can only hope and pray that you follow the Lord all your days. I love and miss you both so much. Papa went and got firewood today, he’s at Walmart right now getting a few things. I’m sitting in the living room with the fireplace going listening to KLOVE 88.9 my Christian music wishing you were here. We have pictures of you in every room, even the bathroom. We just want to see you as much as possible. I worked on jewelry this morning. Made two necklaces for two of my friends. One is a really pretty piece. A large dragonfly (brass) over an amber color stone with a filigree attached. It’s so pretty. I’ve made a lot of jewelry. Granddaughter you can have it, but let your brother pick out a couple of pieces if he wants them. Granddaughter you can have all my jewelry, clothes, shoes and decor. Unless brother wants some decor. There are so many things messed up with your mom and dad and us. We want you to be safe. There is so much you don’t remember. We never wanted to take you from anyone. Colleen wont let us see you because we called DHS on your dad. We did so to protect you. No other reason but that. When your dad had temporary custody in 2016 - May 2017. We loved your dad very much. We helped him in every way we could. Colin, myself and your dad were close. He let us see you anytime which was nice because before your dad got you, your mom had kept you from us for a year. Nana let us talk on the phone during that year. That was such a hard year. But when we saw each other for the first time it was magic like no time had passed. We have a picture of you King the first time you saw papa after a year. Wow what a smile. Your mom kept you from us because she abused our grandson so bad we took you to the hospital and to your doctor after you asked us for help grandson. You were 5 ½ when we called DHS on Brittany and nothing happened and she kept you from us for a year until someone else called DHS and complained about her. By that time DHS had fired everyone that worked there a year ago and had new people. So the new people took charge and took you both out of your mom’s custody and gave you to your dad for temp custody. He was in a halfway house and moved into Chris and Heather's house then got an apartment for you guys. Eventually he got into drugs again and hurt our granddaughter. We called DHS and Colleen stopped letting us see you. She has guardianship over you now. We are taking her to court to get guardianship of you and Colleen is mad so she won’t let us see or talk to you. Court is January 26, 2018 at 9am before Judge Welch. I pray we get you. We love you so, so much.
Hi kids, We miss you so much and love you even more. You have so many Christmas presents here still unopened ready for you to see. We can't wait until you can finally come over and open them. Grandson your big race car track is so cool you’re going to love it. And granddaughter your big barbie doll house you’re going to love. We tried to make it special for both of you and all the other things you have to open, wow what fun it will be to watch. We aren’t doing much today. I cooked some German chicken noodle soup and have been reading the bible. Papa painted your three drawer chest white granddaughter. We usually go in your rooms every day just to look, to feel you near. Man, if I could have had a room as nice as y’alls when I was growing up I would have been in heaven. I hope you never forget your rooms you had here. I went and saw Lucy today as I do every day. I told her you both would be seeing her grave again soon. I know you miss telling her hi and making crosses for her grave. There is so much we want to do with you. I want to jump on beds first. Then make hand prints, paint, take lots and lots of pictures, play outside, when it warms up swim, have picnics and just play. So much to do. You guys are our life. You mean everything to us and more. I really hope you get to live with us. If not at least we will get to see you finally. But we hope you get to live with us. We love you pumpkins❤.
Hey, I hope you kudos are having a good day. Papa is sweeping the livingroom and I am getting ready to go meet a friend from church at Chick-fi-lay. She (kim) is going to give us some names of people to go see in nursing homes. We will read and sing with them to help them feel loved and not so lonely. Papa and I can’t wait. We feel like God is calling us to do this. Oh how we miss you both. What we would do to see you today. We really don’t have any other plans today except to read the bible. We spent all day yesterday reading the New Testament. Wow, it is amazing. I hope you both read the bible and ask God for the knowledge and wisdom to understand what it says. Always follow what the bible says and never doubt that there is a God and that he sent his son Jesus to us. Please always believe I want to see you in heaven. Well I’ve got to go. I need to meet my friend. We love and miss you greatly. Mimi and papa
1/22/2018 - 10:05am
Good morning kids! Oh how I long to see you. I hope you both are having a good morning at school. I love you both so much with all my heart. I’m so very proud of each of you. So is papa. We don’t have much going on today, just going to Walmart and the doctor. Then home to clean and read the bible. It’s cool outside, it’s supposed to warm up, they say. Papa went and cut firewood with our neighbor next door yesterday. We have plenty of firewood when we get you this weekend. We have court Friday so I hope we get you Friday. I know we will. Lots of surprises waiting for you guys. I hope you have a great day at school and know how much we love and miss you. Until next time. Mimi and papa
1/25/2018 - 8:30pm
Hi sweethearts! I hope you had a good day at school. You know we love you very much. Papa and I are watching tv, well trying to anyway. We have court tomorrow morning at 9:00am for your guardianship hearing. I’m praying all goes well and we get to see you tomorrow. I’m praying and praying for you both and tomorrow. Please know that we will do our very best for you both in court tomorrow. All we want is for you to live with us like you want to. I pray you get your wish. I know God will take care of this for all of us. We love you and a second doesn’t go by that you aren’t on our minds. I can’t wait to jump on beds with you and have fun. I am going to go for now. We love and miss you. Love mimi and papa.
1/28/2018 - 2:30pm
Well sweethearts we didn’t get to have you this weekend. Court Friday was moved to another month February 26th. We are so disappointed. We miss you both so much and can’t stand to be away from you and not even be able to talk to you. It hurts so bad. Please remember us and know that we love you with all our hearts.
1/29/2018 - 4:50pm
Hello sweeties! I guess you are home from school watching tv or playing waiting for dinner to come. I wish I was there with you.One thing I didn’t tell you about court Friday is that the judge has issued an attorney for you which is called an Attorney Ad Litem. This will be an attorney for the both of you to figure out what is going on. I hope you talk to them. I’m afraid you won’t due to your family telling you not to talk about us and trying to turn you against us which I hope they can’t. The both of you want to live with us so bad and believe me we want you here very badly. I pray everything will work out. We miss you guys very, very much. We called our attorney to see about getting Colleen to let us talk to you. We shall see if she will let us talk to you or not. We sure hope so. I can't tell you how I just want to hold you both so bad right now and kiss you to death. I love you guys with all of me. Have a good night. Sweet dreams tonight. Love papa and mimi
2/1/2018 - 5:00pm
Oh how I miss my grandchildren. I want to hold them so badly. Thank you Lord for putting them in our lives. Colin and I had a good day today. We went shopping at Sams and Selby came by to see us. We had a good visit. Selby brought out Christmas presents for us from him and his mother. She made us her famous sweet chex mix. I’m so excited about this new journal Colin got me. He bought me several today. They help me so much with my feelings. My writing can only make me feel better. Until tomorrow…….
2/2/2018 - 9:00am
Good morning grandchildren! I dreamed all night about you guys. What a wonderful morning it is. We can’t wait to get you guys and cuddle close to you both. Don’t have much planned today just read the bible and clean a little. I hope you have a good day at school. How we wish we could go have lunch with you at school. Oh how we miss that so. We love you with all our hearts and you are so missed, you don’t even know. This is so hard on us not seeing or talking to you and I know it’s been hard on you as well. God will find a way I promise. We love you! Mimi
2/3/2018 - 8:00am
Well good morning kiddos! I’m sitting here in the living room listening to my KLOVE music thinking about the both of you. Papa is still asleep. It’s a cool morning outside and supposed to be cool all week. Maybe some snow flurries this week. I miss you two so much. Wondering what you will do today with no school. I hope you have fun. Just know that papa and I love you very much. Nothing can separate that love we have for you. It grows stronger every day. The situation we are in will work out and we will be together again, I promise. God has his hands in all of this and it will work out for our good. Always think positive in life and always trust in the Lord. The Lord and Jesus will never leave your side and they love you. There is nothing you could ever do that can't be forgiven in their eyes. Rebuke your sins and ask for forgiveness and believe in your heart that you have been forgiven because you have. Please keep the Lord and Jesus in your heart always.Who’s ready to jump on the beds? I can’t wait. We are going to have so much fun when we get together, I can’t wait. I love you both with everything that I have. We will be together soon.
2/4/2018 - 1:15pm
Hello Kids! By now you’re finishing or finished up with lunch after church. I hope you’re doing good and having a good day. Papa and I are at home, we just put some cranberry bread in the oven. Waiting on it to finish. It’s 37 degrees outside, the sun came out about 30 minutes ago so I think it will help the cold. We don’t have anything planned for today, but maybe go to the store later. We plan on going to church next Sunday. Hopefully you will be there with my mother and we will get to see you. We haven’t gone in quite awhile due to my mother (nana) being there. I listen to the service every Sunday on facebook on my phone so I don’t miss out. But we want to see you both so we are going to go. It will probably be the last time before court and the first time in over 2 ½ months since we’ve seen or talked to you. We don’t care who gets mad. We love you both so much and would give our lives for you. Oh how we miss you so. The birds were so loud this morning when I was on the porch looking at the western town. It was amazing. So pretty. Never be too busy to listen to the birds or look at the clouds. Always look at the beauty around you. God made the world beautiful for you to see. I’m waiting on some pictures I had printed of you to come in the mail, 85 prints to be exact. I can’t wait for them to come. Some are from Christmas last year and the year before (2016 and 2017). When we see you we are going to take a lot of pictures, we haven’t had any in a couple of months. We have over 6000 in our phones. They are all over the house in every room. I just followed papa upstairs to his study where he is printing pictures off of you guys. We do miss you both so much. Have a good day. I’m going to help papa. Love mimi.
2/5/2018 - 11:30am
Good morning! Well granddaughter your school lunch is about over and grandson your about to go to lunch. Wish we were there with a pizza like we used to. Papa and I are in the living room talking about you two. We don’t have much planned for today. It’s about 20 degrees outside and no sun anymore so it’s very, very cold outside. We have the fire going which is so nice and warm. Granddaughter your birthday will be here before we know it. 6 years old, wow, I can’t believe it. I remember when you both were born. You both were just a couple months old when you would spend the night with me and papa. We would set you between us on the couch on a pillow facing us and just talk to you and watch every move you made. Do you remember the saddle in the living room you guys would get on it and pretend you were riding a horse? We would shake the saddle and make it feel like you were on a horse. And of course that rocking horse I have in the living room. It’s about 90 years old. I got it from Selby’s mom. It should be worth some money, just don’t repair it, it’s worth more like it is. But, you two would sneak on it for a ride if we turned our backs for a minute. It was so funny. Grandson you were about 2 ½ , I never knew how you managed to get on it. You were the same age when you tried granddaughter. I sure love you both and I love thinking back about all the memories of you two. There are so many and that’s all we have right now. Remember the big rock collection we have in the living room on the large piece of wood? I’m looking at it right now. All the walks we took to collect the rocks. I put the pretty colored rocks from Frontier City we got with them. You each picked out a small bag. I have them separated so I know whose colored rocks are whose. Oh I miss those days. I have so many crafts here for you guys to do. All your Christmas presents and some things from Halloween. You will get them soon enough. How fun it will be. Ya know everything we have will belong to you two someday. Don’t let anyone take it from you or say it belongs to them. We have taken good care of our things, so take care of them. Sell what you don’t want, but please keep what means something to you. What you might want to hand down to your children. I am so proud of my jewelry granddaughter. I paid a lot of money for my costume jewelry. Hang on to it, it will come back around. Be proud of all you get from us. I know there will be things you don’t want and that is fine, sell it or give it away. But what you do have cherish and always keep and hand down to your children. That way a part of us will always be with you and your family.
2/6/2018 - 8:45am
Good morning kiddos! Well by now you’ve been in school for about an hour. I hope you both have a great and safe day. I’ve been up since 5:15am and papa just got up. It is 17 degrees outside, very cold. The sun is out thank goodness. I got the 85 pictures of you two and wow they came out great. I put some in a photo album this morning. I was so excited. I think we are going to put the house (ranch) up for sale at the end of the month. We don’t want to at all, but we are going to have to do it. We never want to leave this wonderful place. It’s our dream and yours too. We know how much you both love it here. We took it off the market after a year because you talked us into keeping it. We really wanted to hand this down to you. There is just nothing else we can do. We’re so sorry. We have 20 acres here and to think about living next door to someone is terrible. This is really hard on us.
2/6/2018 - 11:45am
Well grandson you are at lunch now. I hope you eat good today. We are having Tom over today. Papa is helping him on the computer and I’m going to make chicken and dumplings. I don’t know if you remember Tom. He’s the tall fellow with a grey ponytail with a cowboy hat. We have a picture of you with him. Papa went to Junior High and High School with him years back. He’s a nice friend. When you get your visits back we are going to have a get together with our friends and let everyone see you both. Everyone talks about you and can’t wait for us to see you. I sure love you guys.
Well quite a bit has gone on since Tuesday. Our neighbor Jason called and was interested in the 5 acres (where the quail barn is) we are selling. Then he wanted to look at our house and the town. Now he is interested in buying the whole place. We are waiting for him to call us back. I don’t know. This is good because he will take the place as is. But we hate to sell because we want to live here forever. And we want to have you two grow up out here. We know how much you like it here. We love it so much here but we have to sell it. What a mess. Well you don’t have much longer in school left today. I hope you both had a good day. We sure miss you. I went to Target this morning and got a lot of things to fill your Easter baskets with. I’m so excited, all kinds of fun things. Can’t wait for Easter with you two. I know you have really grown since we saw you last. You both have been doing alot of that this summer and this year. Grandson you’re getting so tall. And granddaughter you’re so petite, but getting taller. Your growth chart needs to be marked. We will do that the first time we see you two.
2/10/2018 - 4:50pm
Papa and I are just sitting in the living room listening to music and thinking about you guys. We sure do miss you. I went to Michaels today and got a few home decor things. Papa stayed here with Mike. Mike is upstairs taking a nap right now. I roasted a chicken in the crock pot today. It just got finished. It’s 20 degrees outside, very cold. When I was at Michaels Store I got me a new locket to put your picture in. Papa’s going to make them and print them for me. That way you are both next to my heart always. Granddaughter I still wear your pink bracelet every day. It fell off and I lost it for a little while, but I found it and wear it every day. Remember our friendship bracelet you told me to wear it every day and never take it off. Fun! Fun! We still haven't heard anything about the land or the house from our neighbor. We will wait to see. Well I know you are going to church with nana tomorrow. We were going to go but decided to wait until after court. We don’t want to cause any problems. Who knows what Colleen, Simon, Brittany, Brent, Barbara, Frank, Heather and Chris would do.